Rants, raves, fiction, and laughs

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Thoki & Lor (Experiment 3)

I would like to thank whomever gave me this week's prompt, but I've forgotten who they are. It's the line about the ducks. If you are that person, please let me know so I can thank you properly here.


Recap: Thoki is the lesser-known son of Loki (Norse Myth). Lor is a frost giant. Thoki is looking for the source of Ultimate Chaos so he can use it to take over the world. Lor thinks scented candles are edible.

“Say it!” said Fenrir.
“NO!” cried nine-year-old Thoki.
“Say it, or I’ll drop you!”
“Alright! I’m a weenie!”
“What kind of weenie?” said Jormungander in Thoki’s ear.
“I’m a sissy weenie who plays with dolls!” cried Thoki, tears streaming down his face.
“And you eat your own boogers! Say that!” added Fenrir
“I don’t––“
“Say it, or Earth gets a new hole to Niflheim!” snapped Jormungander.
“Nah, changed my mind,” said Fenrir.

Thoki awoke in a cold sweat. He hated those dreams about his childhood. In them were the memories of countless wedgies, swirlies and pink-bellies doled out by his two half-brothers. This time, Thoki remembered when Fenrir had dangled him (by his underpants) over the Bifrost Bridge. Thoki had seen Earth with crystal clarity sparkling thousands of miles below. And while Earth hadn’t gained a new crater, it did receive a brief shower of slightly warm rain.

It took Thoki a few minutes to convince himself he was no longer nine years old, then he picked himself off the ground and brushed the pine needles from his arm. They’d been camping in the forest for the last few weeks. He got up, stretched, and poked his traveling buddy, Lor, with a pointed stick.

“Hey. Wake up.”
Lor blinked and sat up at his usual glacial speed. “Time to make the donuts?” he mumbled, still half asleep.
“I wish,” sighed Thoki. They’d been eating suspicious plants for nineteen days now. “Any clue where we are now? What’s the name of this Fjord?” said Thoki, pointing to the water lapping at the shore.
“It’s not a Fjord. It’s a lake.”
“It’s a big wet thing! Same difference!” snapped Thoki.
“Well technically, a Fjord is a long, narrow arm of the sea bordered by steep cliffs usually formed by glacial erosion; while a lake is a body of fresh or salt water of considerable size, surrounded by land.”

Thoki just stared. Usually he would have argued with Lor, but when it came to “jography” he didn’t question Lor. The wooly-headed giant had trouble reading most 3-letter words, but when it came to reading maps, the behemoth had a talent bordering on the supernatural. Lor being clever unsettled Thoki. It was as if a sheep had suddenly donned a tie and begun offering financial advice.

“This is Lake Superior,” yawned Lor.
“Does that mean we’re in Minnesota?” cried Thoki in excitement.
“Yes. We crossed over from Wisconsin last night. I think we’re near Deluth.”
“HOT DOG!” Thoki’s petite figure broke into an impromptu jig. He stopped as the butterflies rose up in his throat. “Well, I suppose I better call him,” he said with less excitement.
“What can I do?” asked Lor amiably.
Thoki sighed. “I dunno. Go play.”
“Kay,” said Lor, back to his monosyllabic self. He lumbered over to a cluster of cattails.
“Alright… here we go,” said Thoki, psyching himself up.

He pulled a reel of cofilament, thermal-fused fishing line from his pocket. Only one guy in the world had been stupid enough to fish for Jorumgand, and he’d used an Ox-head for bait. Thoki, who knew his half-brother a bit better than mighty Thor, wrapped the sturdy fishing line around a six-pack of Miller Lite. Using a log as a float, he cast it onto the lake’s surface. Hel said he’d need to fish for Jormungand, “At the great fjord near the home of the Vikings.” Thoki deduced that the only place left on Earth with Vikings, was Minnesota.

Two hours ticked past with no change. Thoki was now nursing a sunburn on his neck and he looked longingly at the chilled beer floating on the lake’s surface.
“Lor? How you doin’ there buddy?” asked Thoki. Lor was being very quiet, usually a sign that he was doing something Thoki wouldn’t like. That or he was confused by life again.
“Whatcha doin?”
“We were planting seeds in the ground so they could grow into ducks.”
“What kind of seeds?” asked Thoki, glad Lor was being stupid again.
“Duckweed seeds.”
“Makes sense… Wait. We?” asked Thoki, looking at his partner for the first time.
“Me and Mr. Onion.”
“Mister…Onion…” said Thoki slowly, craning his neck to see what was in Lor’s hands. It was a rock. Thoki shrugged. “Alright. Have fun, you two.”

Thoki turned his head, to watch his bobber and screamed. A large, muscular chest was blocking his view. It was clothed in a black T-shirt sporting the legend, “Han Shot First.” Thoki tried to back up and lost his footing. Sitting on the ground, hard, he stared up into the face of Jormungand, who was busy downing the contents of one of the beer-cans. He belched politely and threw it over his shoulder.

“Hey, wiener,” said Thoki's brother. He was in a human form, but there was a definite serpent quality to him from the blue-veined skin, to his hair the color of parsley. His eyes were the greatest giveaway–yellow, with slit pupils, and a transparent ocular cap which twitched as he regarded his younger brother and opened another can.

Miller Lite? You gotta be kiddin,” he said with disgust.
“It’s all I could afford,” said Thoki. He’d spent his last tenner on it too.
“How touching. What do you want?”
“You wrap around the world right? You see everything.”
“Everything connected to water, but I concede your point. Continue.”
“I’m looking for something. Something I’ve only read in passing, but I need more information.”
“Jeezus, try the internet, dumbass. Do I look like Wikipedia?” said Jormungander turning towards the water.
“Wait!! Jorm! Do you know anything about a source of ultimate chaos?” cried Thoki frantically.

The snake-man paused. His diamond-shaped face looked at Thoki again. There was a strange smile playing on his thin lips.
“Now why would you want to know about that?” he asked.
“Tell me,” said Thoki, drawing himself up.
The ocular cap flicked up again. “Egypt. It’s in Egypt.”
“Egypt! But how––?“
“Not my problem. Ask when you get there. But it’s in Egypt. Later, runt.”
And Jormungand sank into Lake Superior without so much as a ripple.


Previous Adventures of Thoki & Lor
Experiment 2: Dwindeled
Experiment 1: Mornings


Eric J. Krause said...

Too funny! I love the interaction between Thoki and Lor. I knew this was going to be a good installment just be reading the recap--the line of Lor and the scented candles had me giggling. And Jor is correct to be wearing that shirt--Han did shoot first.

Monica Marier said...

Thanks, Eric. I dunno why, but Jor struck me as a pumped-up SciFi nut. : )

Becky Wilson aka Valkyrie1008 said...

Having only just come into your fantastically well written and good humoured norse comedy I must say I'm a fan for life now of Thoki and Lor. I'm already half expecting Jormungand to whisper his little brothers doings to Loki who will wait till the opportune moment as always to snatch all the glory and the chaos for himself. Very well done I greatly enjoyed it. Now a blog and twitter follower as I type :P

You might even like my own modern twist on norse mythology - valkyries at work in modern times.

"There are more than Angels and Devils after your soul." - Soul Chaser (my current WIP)

Would love it if you popped over for a visit my fellow viking/norse mythology fan and friend :)

Laura Eno said...

Hilarious! A 'brief shower of slightly warm rain'...
These guys are too funny.

Mari said...

Bwahahhahah! Fantastic! I'll have to read back now. :D

Monica Marier said...

@Becky Nice to meet a fellow Nordophile! I will definitely check out your site. Thanks for stopping by!

@Laura & Mari Glad you liked it. : )

Gracie said...

I have an aunt who married into the Vikings, and yes, they are in Minnesota. Too funny. (wipes tears from eyes)

And the bit about duckweed and Mr Onion was priceless.

I love these guys. I can't wait for the next one.

Monica Marier said...

@Grace well I WAS going to have them run into Brett Farve but THAT wouldn't have worked for obvious reasons. Just as well I guess, or we wouldn't' have met Jorm.

P.S. (Go Bears!)

Maria A. Kelly said...

"Jeezus, try the internet, dumbass. Do I look like Wikipedia?"I lost it there and fell out laughing. These stories always do that to me. Another winner!

Monica Marier said...

Thanks, Maria! I'm glad you laughed. That's the highest praise in the world to me. : )

Anonymous said...

This was so much fun. Loved the mix of Norse mythology and pop culture.
Adam B @revhappiness

Timothy P. Remp said...

Wonderful read. I loved how deep you’re into Norse Mythos terminology. Your characters are great and the dialog flows very well and very funny. I am glad I found you!


ganymeder said...

This series is both adorable and hilarious. Loved it!

Sam said...

Warm rain...a sheep offering financial advice...Minnesota Vikings...bwhahahaha! Too funny, and so well written. You have the gift of perfect comic timing. Talented writer? Heck yeah!

Would you pass me a tissue, I'm still crying with laughter here.

Monica Marier said...

@Tim Thanks for reading, Tim! Norse Myths were a passion of mine since I was nine. Loki was my favorite, for obvious reasons, but I wished he'd stayed good.

@Ganymeder Thanks! Glad you think it's hilarious!

@Sam Thanks, Sam. You leave the best compliments. I'm really glad the Minnesota Vikings joke scanned with the UK readers. I realized too late that not everyone follows American football. (but they all know B. Farve, thank goodness).

John Wiswell said...

I've read the first two experiments but adored the recap. That last line about Lor and candles made me crack a smile that lasted well into the story. Onward to Egypt!

Notes: first two lines don't have closing punctuation.

Anonymous said...

han shot first - i love that shirt! :D Brilliant job, as always!

Amalia T. said...

Bwahahahahaha! The family dynamics between Thoki, Fenrir and "Jorm" are AWESOME. Also loved the Minnesota Vikings bit. AND the line about knowing his brother better than Thor and fishing with beer instead, and then Jorm being like "Lite Beer?!" hahaha! Another excellent installment!

Monica Marier said...

@Amalia. Thanks for helping me with the Jormungand bits. I really appreciate it. : )

John Smith said...

Hi Monica. I just stumbled on to your blog because of the Fantasy Blog Hop. That was a great story! So I'm going to follow your blog now.

Come hop over to my blog and follow me if you want to.

Danielle La Paglia said...

I loved this story. The humor had me smiling the whole way through. Great job!

PS - I have nightmares about my big brothers too. :)

J.C. Martin @ Fighter Writer said...

I love how you weaved mythical Nordic characters with the modern-day world! The dialogue is funny, especially the bit with Wikipedia!

Monica Marier said...

@ Danielle *L* As do I. Well...maybe just one brother.

@ J.C. Wow, thanks! I always strive to make stories that seem authentic, while at the same time keeping it light and modern. : )