Rants, raves, fiction, and laughs

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Nano Excerpt 2 #FridayFlash

Warning: this passage is a little racy
I'm behind, stressed out and over-caffeinated, but I'm still in the game. Here's a passage from this week's NaNo of the 3rd book in the Linus Saga "Inquire Within." It's much shorter than last week, but it contains adult situations involving *gasp* old married-couple sex. Of course, this is me we're talking about so it's more silly than sexy.

"Do you think we've lost our old spark?" asked Linus sitting up in bed.
"I said it was fine," said a freshly bathed Deirdre as she walked to the fireplace to dry her hair.
Linus watched the light play on her curving breasts and thighs and shook his head, "No, I'm serious. When our idea of foreplay is rubbing liniment on our sore muscles, you start to wonder."
"About what? What do you wish would happen?"
"'s just...a general longing for the past, I guess."
"Well, what's the point of that?" asked Deirdre. "No changing that, I'm afraid."
"I know...I just remember when we...I dunno...Remember our trip to Ewis?"
"Not really. We didn't see much of Ewis," said Deirdre with a grin.
"That's what I meant."
"Well yes. I didn't say I didn't have fun."
"Well that's what I'm talking about! A five day holiday! We don't do that anymore,"
"Well your knees have troubles after the third time...or you fall asleep."
"I know, I know,” grumbled Linus. His neck felt it had to interject at that moment, and it seized up from the cold water droplets on it. Linus cursed and tried to rub out the kinks.

“Oh my gods, is that my bum?” said Deirdre suddenly.
Linus tried to see where she was looking, and caught sight of Deirdre’s posterior as it was reflected in the vanity mirror.
“Don’t know whose else it could be,” he commented cheerfully.
“Uh!” said Deirdre in disgust, rising from her seat. Her red hair draped over her body like a mantle as she strode indignantly towards the mirror, watching herself in horrified fascination.
“It’s floppy!” she hissed.
“I like it,” said Linus without hesitation. After seventeen years, he was good at this game.
“It’s jiggling. I have a floppy granny bum that jiggles when I walk!” moaned Deirdre.
“I think it’s marvelous,” continued Linus.
“Urgh,” gasped Deirdre again. “What the hell are these lines? Are these stretch marks?”
“They’re rather fetching,” said Linus. “Like silver tiger stripes.”
“And my tits nearly reach my belly! You can tell I’ve had eight children–they look like a pair of stockings hanging to dry.” said Deirdre, with the air of one determined to make a complete go of it. “And my neck! I saw it wobble a bit when I moved my head just now, did you see it? Look! It did it again!”
“I don’t see anything,” said Linus, honestly.
“And my arms. I move ‘em too quick and they make a horrible slapping noise. Listen to this,” Deirdre made fast gyrations with her shoulders so that the slightly loose skin under her arms vibrated with the movement. “It sounds like a slab of bacon landing on a stone counter!”
“You’re getting worked up, luv,” said Linus, who wasn’t actually paying attention to her arms when she did that.

“Of course I’m getting worked up! I’m a saggy floppy wrinkly old lady with a turkey neck, stretched out tits, a mottled tummy, jiggly bum and musical arms!” said Deirdre, staring in the mirror, still transfixed by every flaw she saw or imagined. She stopped abruptly when she felt warm skin press up against her bare shoulders and felt Linus’s naked arms entwine around hers. The rough bristles on his jaw tickled as his lips gently caressed the soft skin of her neck. Then she felt, rather pointedly, just how attractive he thought she was.

“My goodness,” she moaned softly as he coaxed her back onto the bed.
“My wife,” he said he pulled the blankets over them.

Deirdre sat up suddenly, knocking her forehead against his chin.
“OH! I forgot to check on the baby! I’ll be right back!”
“Argh!” grunted Linus, slumping face first into the pillows while Deirdre pulled a robe on and ran out the door.


Jax said...

*blink* Have you been spying on me? I know exactly how Deidre feels.

Monica Marier said...

@Jax I'm a woman too. I think it's universal. :D

Danielle La Paglia said...

That was too awesome for words! I laughed the whole way through. It's just too real.

This was my favorite line, though: "Then she felt, rather pointedly, just how attractive he thought she was."

Monica Marier said...

@Danielle I like to go for subtlety. I cringe at phrases describing "quivering members." It kills the romance for me. Glad it was transparent enough, though. Thanks for that feedback.

Julie (Okami) said...

I laughed out loud when I read that line, subtle, but we got the point! LOL!

John Wiswell said...

Don't push yourself too hard, Monica. Do it for fun, or work for the long term. There's no good reason to let NaNo stress you out. Perhaps you need some old-people loving?

Maria A. Kelly said...

Wonderful! I can so relate to Deirdre. :)

Maria A. Kelly said...

OMG! The word verification was 'contrum' and I had to blink because at first I thought it said something else and the first thing that popped into my mind was that Linus and Deirdre are past needing one of those, I think. ;)

Monica Marier said...

@Julie Oh good. verification ^_^

@John this is the first year I've been doing Nano w. other weekly assignements. It kind of crowds my calendar

@Maria After 8 kids? Yeah. A little late. : )

Deanna Schrayer said...

Oh, poor Linus! This is so fun Monica, though sad really, and I'm sure the majority of us can relate. I know I can!
Musical arms - that cracked me up. :)

Monica Marier said...

@Deanna oh, don't worry about Linus. He'll get some in a few more minutes. I'm glad you liked "musical arms" that was my personal wait. All of those were.

Jen Brubacher said...

Aw, they're so sweet! I love this couple. Great slice of life.

Monica Marier said...

@Jen this is actually part of a Fantasy series that I write, but when I read through it, I realized there was actually NOTHING indicating genre. I suppose that's a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Love it. :-) Getting there, myself.

Seleste said...

This is exactly why I got rid of all mirrors in our bedroom.


Well done though, very realistic portrayal :)

Monica Marier said...

@aldersprig & @Seleste I'm very much this depressed by my body, but I'm so grateful to have someone to tell me he likes my saggy bum, floppy tits and musical arms. : )

Eric J. Krause said...

Ah, the joys of getting older. Good story!

Monica Marier said...

@Thanks as always, Eric. I think even those of us who aren't exactly old but changing at any rate go through this. I recently lost a lot of weight, so while I'm skinnier, my skin is catching up.

Sam said...

A brilliant commentary on getting older all wrapped up with plenty of warmth and a good dose of humour. Loved it!

Monica Marier said...

@Sam Yay! Thanks, Sam-o!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious and yet still warm and fuzzy. I love it.

Monica Marier said...

@anitsocialbutterflie Wow! Great complement! I'm truly invested in Linus and Deirdre's relationship so when I saw that, it felt rather magical.